Practical Jokes
by Warfang
Summary: When the author is bored, what does she do for fun? Why, put the characters into a funny situation! Started out just humiliating Richie, bloomed into something else. I don't know if this qualifies for an open laugh. Maybe just a chuckle.


I do not own Static Shock! And this part was inspired by some pranks I was told about.

On with the story!

Richie loved to sing. Of course, he wasn't about to win the next American Idol, but he could carry a tune. His high tenor voice sang over the radio as he brushed his hair in the bathroom over at Virgil's place.

"You would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies, light up the world as I fell asleep!"

Satisfied with his hair, Richie sang into the comb.

"Cause they fill the open air, and leave teardrops everywhere, you'd think me rude," That was when he noticed the reflection in the mirror.

"But I would just stand and stare-VIRGIL!"

The camera jostles around as the culprit sprints down the hall and jumps the stars.

"Virgil Hawkins, what on earth?" The camera shows a passing blue blur before it swings up and the screen moves down.

"Not now, Sharon!"

The camera stabilizes and shows the living room. Virgil has set the camera down and is now tearing through the living room. Richie, not seeing the camera on the desk, jumps the couch and grabs Virgil, taking him down.

He frisks Virgil, bare arms and chest twisting as Virgil struggles to get away. Finally giving up, Richie sets back on his sock clad feet, his loose drawstring pants stretching.

"Okay, where is it?"

"Where is what?"

"That camera! I know the Journalism Club asked for donated footage of daily lives, but I'd rather not share that with school."

"Why not?"

"….I will tape you practicing how to ask girls out on a date if you don't delete that footage. And unlike you, I won't get caught."

"Fine, fine, I'll delete it later." An orange clad arm waves in surrender.

"You better."

Richie stands up, corded muscle and glistening skin telling that he had just gotten out of the shower. His back has bruises on it, faded to faint yellow and green.

"If I catch that on the school's technology journalism demo and expo, you will not know when or how, but I will get even with you." Richie shoots back, gingerly twisting to feel if anything hurt.

"Of course you will."

Huffing, Richie left the room.

Virgil snorts.

"Think this is going to be worth him mad at you, Virgil?" Sharon crosses her arms at the foot of the stairs, watching Richie disappear into the bathroom.

"Who knows? They might not even produce it. Frieda and Daisy are just so aggravated that no one's submitting any videos, and when I told them 'maybe you'll get a list of compiled pranks', they said they'd take that as this point."

Sharon gave Virgil a look. "You are just headed for trouble."

"Well, it's not like Richie's going to be the only one pranked on this. After all, I'm going to need his help with some other elaborate ones."

"Just don't get arrested for anything."

Virgil had picked up the camera and followed Sharon into the kitchen.

He stood to the side of the sink, as she reached for the faucet knob to get the coffee started.

"Of course I won't get arrested. Nearly killed, maybe. But nothing illegal."

"Goo-AUGH!" Sharon shrieked as the water came out of the nozzle attachment instead of the faucet.

She twisted the knob to turn the water off, and then turned with pressed lips to Virgil.

"I told you."

Sharon nodded, getting her composure back under control. She turned back around, peeled the tape off, and got the water for the coffee.

The camera cut off.

Later that same day, Francis was walking down the street. A regular occurrence, given that he lived in the city. What was not normal was to turn a corner and have a six foot snake slither into his path.

Francis hollered and leapt back, stumbling away until he had put ten feet between him and the snake. Swearing, he squatted down and looked at the snake.

"Not poisonous. Thank you God." Then he skirted around the snake and continued on his way.

A few minutes later, some real gangster looking dudes with their pants sagging, their gold chains and their girlfriends came around the same corner. They were walking past the corner when the snake slithered out.

Chaos bloomed.

Shrieks and screams erupted as the snake slithered into a pipe in the alley and disappeared.

The camera panned to see on particularly man running at a full sprint back down the sidewalk, his girl slung over his shoulder.

The other girls gave their boys lectures on how they were supposed to protect them.

A quiet giggle came from behind the camera.

"Next time, ask me to build the giant rubber snake the day before the prank, okay?" Richie set one controller down, and picked up another controller.

Several rats spilled out of the alleyway.

The girls and their gangsta boyfriends were gone, screaming their heads off.

Richie moved the rats into an organized formation, before jumping down the fire escape with Virgil and the camera after him to box up his toys.

"See why pranking is so great?"

"I still think you're in trouble for pranking me."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?"

"How about this? If I get you to scream like a girl, both of our pranks get submitted. Otherwise, I want to see you delete that footage." The obvious 'before the expo you master of loopholes' was left unsaid.

"Deal."

The camera fades out again.

The audience leans in with baited breath.

It's dark in the room, the light coming from the windows and the computer. Virgil is entranced with the computer, clicking and frowning and not paying attention to Richie behind him with the camera, for all intents just playing with it.

"I cannot believe how hard it is to edit this thing. I mean," Virgil leans in closer, "not only is the program difficult, but the noise is nearly shot."

"AIEEEEEE!"

"AAAHAAAAA!" Virgil shrieked, leaping out of the rolling chair and landing on the ground. The face of a bloody ghost with decay stained teeth is filling the entire computer screen.

"Yeah," drawls Richie, "and now it looks like you have to edit one more."

Virgil looks up at him from the floor.

"Yeah, you got me."

The audience snickers, and settles in.

"Okay, I have found the presentation! It wasn't supposed to be in that folder, but let's move right along! Sorry guys, your clip was the only one I could stall with." Frieda waves to the two boys starring in the film near the front row.

"It's cool." Virgil calls back.

"Yeah, I knew he wouldn't delete it after all." Richie mutters under his breath. They settle down for the lecture of how digitalized journaling was helping people connect better.

It's late when they get home after the lectures. They're turning the corner, when a figure with horns and a black robe looms at them. Richie gasps, a startled intake of breath, before he grabs for the figure and kicks.

The figure doubles over, going from a roar to a pained moan.

Virgil drags Richie back.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" He demands.

"No. It was my idea of payback. No one has let up on me for screaming over a snake." Francis wheezes out.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Richie explodes. "You aren't trained to handle snakes, Francis. What could you have done? Walking away from a non dangerous animal was the smart thing to do! At least you didn't kill it!"

Francis wheezes a bit more before standing up and pulling off the mask and the robes.

"I take it you like snakes." He stated, turning his gaze upon Richie with a thoughtful gleam.

"Yeah, you actually went up a few notches in my book for not harassing the snake." Richie shrugs it off, but his stance implies just how important and loved snakes are to him.

Francis scoffs and walks away.

"Anyway, why weren't you scared?" He throws back over his shoulder.

"For a minute, I thought you were Ebon trying to kidnap me again." Richie states nonchalantly.

"Ebon kidnaps you?" The undercurrent of shock at the words, the half-notion of new knowledge, and wondering the hell why are buried under the questioning tone. There was near nonexistent incredulity as there was a simple restatement. Francis was probably wondering if he heard Richie correctly, or if they were talking about the same Ebon.

"Kidnapped." Virgil corrects.

"Yeah. There was that one time, I was giving Static directions, and Ebon kidnapped me and it was freezing. Another time, he had just been broken out of jail, I was going to go see Static fight, ran into Ebon, and was nearly kidnapped again. Then Virgil was kidnapped, and Static had to rescue him. Then there was this time, Ebon dumped a dumpster on me and this other girl, and Static had to save us both, and then there were what, that other time I was kidnapped, but not by Ebon, and held in some facility and had to save myself with some help from Static, and then there was the time I was kidnapped by some crazy scientist who said I reminded him of himself, and that guy remembered to restrain me. Static had to save me. Again."

Richie walked while he talked; ranting over how many times he had been a damsel in distress.

Francis was quietly flicking a finger each time Richie mentioned a kidnapping, failed or not.

"So, you've needed saving five times, and Virgil only once."

Richie sent him a glare.

"Well, I don't think pumping iron solved your problem." Francis continued on.

"And why's that?"

"Cause Hawkins and I are both escorting you home this fine night after the city saw you shirtless. You looked like a cowboy poster they put in some ladies bathrooms."

There was silence for a moment.

"How do you know what's inside a ladies bathroom?" Virgil ventured.

"Last year, someone switched the signs for the gentlemen and the ladies' bathroom for a prank. I didn't think anything of the lack of urinals, but the ladies certainly thought something of urinals being present. The manager came and got me out discretely. I've had nightmares ever since."

"Of what? Ending up as a poster boy in the ladies bathroom for all to ogle?" Richie snorted.

"If I'm shirtless, with my jeans unzipped and a belt hanging unbuckled with a hat perched over me to shadow my 'come hither' look, hell yes."

Richie's mouth started to twitch.

"I'm going to need the brain bleach now." Virgil grumbled to his side.

"I'm not." Richie snickered. "It's a majorly better look than your usual sneer to pick up chicks."

"Hey! When did this turn into 'pick on Francis' hour?" Francis objected, sitting down on the front porch steps.

"When you left yourself wide open." Richie retorted, settling down next to him.

"We can go inside, you know." Virgil pointed out. It was his house, and both his pops and his sister were home.

"Naw, I'm not staying." Francis replies. He stretches out. "And what they were saying at the lecture is true. It hasn't even been four hours, and everyone knows I screamed about running into a six foot motorized rubber snake."

"You were at the lecture?"

"I hate reading. Listening to someone who's an authority on what they actually know has always been the easier way to learn for me. I just hate it when someone tries to be smarter than they are or make me feel stupid." The first part starts off light, but the last part ends in a near growl.

"Yeah. You know something, but they pretend that you're an idiot that doesn't know better and you lose the chance to prove just how unique you are. I hate it. It was a new rule we were learning in math, and it was my turn to solve it, and I knew what to do, and the teacher takes my turn and expects me to forget that I was just skipped over. I hated that." Richie mutters. He knew that when a number was outside of the parenthesis that both numbers inside the parenthesis would be multiplied by it. He had been looking forward to doing that part of the problem so much he hadn't thought of the problem to solve after that.

He had looked like an idiot back in the seventh grade.

"You mean you'd take the off chance of being an idiot?" Francis hazards.

"Oh, hell yeah." Richie replies. "When you screw something up you remember to do it right next time. Sort of like learning why a fire is 'do not touch'."

Virgil slips inside and come out with some soda, passing it around. Francis keeps to himself how apropos Richie's comparison is. They sit out, talking about pranks they've done or were victimized too, or what was a pure accident that wound up funny.

"Okay, so Dad is cutting a pie in the kitchen." Virgil starts out. "He serves Sharon first and she goes into the living room and gets the best seat in front of the television. So I ask my pops to cut my piece in two."

Richie hides his face behind his can. Francis is taking a drink.

"So I come out into the living room, and tell Sharon, 'Look, Pops gave me two slices!' and all she sees are the two slices, not that they're the same size as hers."

Francis snorts.

"So she storms into the kitchen demanding Pops why he gave me two slices, and while he's explaining to her that all he did was cut mine in half, since he didn't know what I was planning, I was sitting my butt down on the best seat in the house!"

Francis is chuckling, a deep warm laugh.

"Oh, man, that is hilarious. Cunning, too."

Richie's watch beeped.

"Midnight! Aw, man. I need to text my parents I'm at your house." Richie pulls out the Shock Vox and starts punching in numbers.

"What is that thing?" Francis wonders.

"I made it. My old cell broke, so I made myself one, and since it carries the program and the signal, it's all good." Richie lied smoothly.

"Cool." Francis drained his cola, and crushed the can. "Recycling?"

"I'll take it." Virgil swiped the proffered aluminum can.

"Okay, they know. They mentioned that your Dad called when you went in to let them know, and asked if I could stay here."

"Your parents are letting-no, asking that you stay?"

"I forgot that today was their anniversary. I can borrow some of your clothes, right?" Richie rolled his can around, waiting for Virgil's permission.

"Anni- oh. That. Sure. Stay as long as you need to. Your homework is all done, and all I have left is that project. Be my research buddy?"

"I already finished my project and have two copies. One to turn in, and one to feed to my dog." Richie deadpanned.

"Argh! Okay, be my sound board."

"I think your lawn needs mowing. I'll do your chores if you'll do your homework."

"Sharon would never let you do that."

"She lets me do the dishes when I need to think."

"She what?" Virgil yelps.

"I'm getting the old married couple vibe here." Francis drawled from the side. Richie blushes. He's sitting in between Virgil and Francis, with Virgil on his right side.

Virgil snorts.

"You should see us actually fight with each other. Richie's the kind to slam doors."

"I do not!" Richie cries, indignantly.

"Yes, you do, and I will start listing all the times that you have slammed doors."

"When- never mind. If you say I slam doors, then I slam doors. But you will be working on that research project while I make this house livable, and you will not bother me while I do so. Understand?"

"Yes, dear."

Richie rolled his eyes. Virgil collected his empty can and set all three to the side.

"Can you make it back okay?" Richie asked Francis.

Francis shrugged. "It's not like I suddenly stopped be Hotstreak when I didn't flambé your snake, Foley. Take care you two."

And then Francis was across the street, headed back towards the center of the city.

Virgil collected the cans and binned them once inside the house. Richie made his way upstairs, shucking undergarments and piling the clothes to be taken downstairs and washed.

"I made a note on the kitchen calendar that you're here to do chores." Virgil mentioned, already clambering into his pajamas and settling under the covers.

"You good?"

"Yep. Sleeping bag, and some sheets."

"What about a pillow?"

"I got one of your lumpy neck cushions. It'll do for a head rest. Night, Virge."

"Night, Rich."

A/N: I was sooooo tempted to have someone change Richie's ringtone To Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy, but seeing as how the fanfic morphed beyond a simple prank and into, well, nine pages and 2,800 words, I decided ending here would be just fine.

A point of interest to me- why does Static Shock only have 800 or so fanfics? It should at least have broken a thousand by now. Ah well. I have more ideas.


End file.
